quizzical about quizzes

Clearly I am just as deep into it as most people but guys, really, the internet is ridiculous.

Not that this is news.

I was just playing Scrabulous on Facebook (might as well, before it ceases and desists), and I glanced over at the ad in the side panel. "ARE YOU FAT?" the ad screamed. "Take this quiz and find out!"

What kind of questions are on that quiz, I wonder? "Do you enjoy cramming junk food into your face?", like, or is it more along the lines of "What's your BMI?" Do I have a fat personality to go along with my hefty hips? Oh, if only I could think thin! Maybe the quiz will tell me how.

It used to be all "attend this event!" and "buy things from this website!" in that sidebar, along with "please be my roommate!" and "I lost my dog!" local ads, but now it seems to be quizzes. Quizzes, quizzes everlasting. It's like a British pub, only less classy. Really? A quiz will tell me if I'm a kissing master? A quiz doesn't even know what flavor of lipgloss I like. Unless touchscreen technology is a lot more advanced than I thought and also has been secretly installed on my laptop, I doubt a quiz is going to tell me anything.

Okay, I've taken my share of internet quizzes. But mostly only the ones that had cool badges to post afterwards. And it was more things that told me my Celtic astrology sign or what nonsensical object I was like or even what character from a book. None of this "are you fat" nonsense. The internet has descended from exalted academic resource (hah) to perversion to drivel. Alas for the days of yore (not really).

Ah well. Even if Facebook's sold out, I can still get an engineering degree in three weeks from home and enroll myself in identity theft protection. Now that's a better world.